It often happens that one partner's expectations do not match those of the other. There are expectations that are considered reasonable when you want to see your partner more than once a week, or talk to them on the phone more often than usual. If you have been together for some time and want to take things to the next level, for example, to live together after a long time of being together.
"Many people confuse expectations with standards. Expectations are projecting an ideal version of yourself onto someone else. Standards are a set of beliefs, value systems, and behaviors that you expect to see in an individual you choose to date," says Chris Seiter, a relationship counselor and breakup specialist since 2012.
But how to express expectations?
There is no partner in the world who can read minds, and this unhealthy thinking leads to problems in a marriage. Expectations should be expressed in the form of a request or question, not in the form of sentences. For this, you can use the words: “Can you please…”, followed by the desire or need.
A simple tip that helps you
Write down on a piece of paper your top 10 expectations for a healthy, happy relationship. According to Dr. Schroeder, these expectations should be specific, achievable, and reasonable. Remember that some expectations need to be met immediately. The partner making the request needs to be patient and understand that all of this won't happen overnight.
Communicate as much as possible! If there is no consensus between the two of you at first, you already have the answer and choose to move on to something else.
